just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
