So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
