So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
