Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
