wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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