i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
