Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
