she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
