He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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