that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
