Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
