trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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