If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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