dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
