She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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