Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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