Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
