hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
