i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
