I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
