You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
