So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What a dumb baby whore.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
