Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
