yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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