i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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