I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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