are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
