I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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