So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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