I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
