dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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