P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
