i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
