I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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