why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
