I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize