I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
