White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
