sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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