My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
