Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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