We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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