I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
