An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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