help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
