Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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