After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
