I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
