As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
