Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
