I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
pray to the hookup gods
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
