No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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