angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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