please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
