I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize