dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
