i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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