yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
