guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
