today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
