hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
