Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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