just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
