He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
