Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
