I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
