When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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