Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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