ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
