His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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