Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
