i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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