I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
