So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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