Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize