Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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